Dear Netgear MR814 Wireless Router,

Could you please find more ways to annoy me? You seduced me with your shimmering silver finish and orb-shape design. My heart melted when you came over and hung out in my price range (unlike your other attractive friend, Apple Airport). You seemed pretty cool while you were in the box, but ever since you hooked up with SBC Yahoo! DSL, you’ve been a haughty bitch.

I mean, just getting you to talk to SBC was a hassle. I typed in the settings correctly, but you were all, “whatever, cannot connect to server”. Apparently, I need to type in the correct settings, walk away for 15 minutes, and then you’ll work. Of course, I only realize that after trying about 50 different things. What’s up with that?

Oh, and what’s up with you and dropping SSH connections after 5 minutes? I wouldn’t mind if you stopped doing that. I even upgraded your firmware, but you’re still hatin’ on my SSH.

How about if Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory starts working too? That’s you’re bad for not forwarding the ports.

But you know what, I can get past that, because you’re not only good-looking, but you’re hella fast. While I was busy soulseeking, you went and got me the new Outkast album. That was really nice, and at like 500kps. You’ve got a few chips on your shoulder, but you look good, and you’re fast, and you finally work.

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