American Idol

After watching American Idol, Evelyn and I both tried to vote (for Clay) on our phones.

Evelyn and me: “Ugh, the lines are busy.”

Margaret: “That’s because you’re both trying to call at the same time.”

Update: I’m a big fucking idiot. When I quoted the above dialogue, I realized that it had taken place a long time ago. It happened during one of the first voting episodes of the season. Evelyn, Margaret, and I reference the joke pretty much every time we watch AI*, so I figured I’d post it. I put it in the present tense because I think it’s funnier that way.

But it turns out I wasn’t even there. Just Margiepants and E-Po. They’ve reference it so much, I just sort of added myself to the scene.

Isn’t that fucked up? It’s not like I was lying when I posted the dialogue—I honestly thought I was present.

*Other utterances that get referenced every time we watch TV are,


  1. “Who thinks, ‘What hides chub?’ and comes up with teal satin blouses?” [Margaret, referring to Kimberly Locke of AI]

  2. “Best opening credits ever.” [Me, referring to Six Feet Under]

  3. “I hope Lisa’s dead and Nate falls in love with Brenda again.” [Margaret, Evelyn, and me referring to Six Feet Under]

  4. Anything from Homestar Runner, including “Hey Stwongbad, I’m in your house,” and “Once again they come scrolling back/scroll buttons get ill like a heart attack,” and “What part of meet by the stick didn’t you understand?”

  5. “All these goats are retarded!” [Me, Mr. Show]

  6. “These people are douchebags!” [Margaret’s friend Amelia, other religious studies majors]

  7. Whatever the original intention of this list was it totally forgotten. It’s 2:09 a.m., which is much later than I usually stay up.

  8. Earlier today, I was hanging out with Margaret and Whetstone. Margaret and I were telling Whet about an ugly baby. “Yeah, he totally looks like a troll.” “I don’t know, maybe he’ll grow into it…all that skin, I mean.” So I’m drinking a soda, and Margaret makes me laugh right after I take a sip. Now, I hadn’t snorted anything out of my nose since kindergarten, but my streak was broken today. Laughter gets the best me, and I snort, which for some reason also caused me to burp. So I let out this spray of rumbling belch-snort that left Margaret and Whet shocked and awed. By ‘awed’ I mean disgusted. It was fucking gross. Which makes it funny.

  9. Modern Drunkard Magazine deserves a hypertext link.

‘Night kids.

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